Household donations and accurate reporting

Advice on how to complete donation reporting when it comes to households showing the other spouse didn't donate? The household has donated and we certainly do not want to send another communication to the secondary spouse asking for contribution to an appeal just because the donation is under one spouse but not the other. We have tried applying soft credits to the "non-donating" spouse but to no avail. The other spouse will still show up as lapsed donor if they entered the donation last year but the primary account holder donated this year, for instance. As a small enough organization we do not want folks to think we do not recognize their donation but we are big enough that we can't possibly remember and manually pull out spouses who shouldn't be on an email campaign or in the lapsed donor numbers.

We want to be able to use the fundraising dashboard numbers Neon provides to us but because of this issue there is no way these numbers can be correct (new donors, lapsed donors, reactiviation, recapture).